Going over my six month goals

So... a month or so after a really serious hospital visit last spring, I set some 6-month goals and made my first vision board.  I was out of work and had no income whatsoever.  I set an income goal that would have been my second highest income for six months in my life.  I didn't even come close to that goal.

I set a goal to dump my old, refurbished, "Fred Flintstone" laptop, and get an up-to-date laptop.  That didn't happen either.  In fact, the hinge broke on my old laptop so it's out of commission for now. 

I set a goal to have 10,000 pageviews on my three blogs by now.  I have about 1700 total.

I set a goal to buy a good digital camera.  Nope.  That didn't happen either.

I set a goal to lost 47 pounds in six months.  Why such an odd amount?  Because I weighed 347 at the time, and I wanted to get under 300 pounds.  I lost ten pounds and kept it off.

Oddly, the only goal that I did come close to was, "Help the homeless in Forsyth County as much as I am able."  A couple months after setting that goal, my mom and I met a family teetering on the brink of homelessness while living in a single room.  We sold them a cooking appliance, and gave them some basic items like dishes, food, and a list of local agencies that might be able to help them.  Then we went to our Sunday School class, and were able to get the family some shelves to store stuff, more food, a coffee maker, and a few other needed items.  Their needs were far beyond what our class could offer, but we helped them stabilize their situation a bit. 

So... I basically failed at most of my goals.  I'm at the point where many people think, "goals are stupid, I'm not going to bother setting goals anymore."  But I come from the action sports world.  If you've ever watched a BMX freestyler or skateboarder, you probably noticed that they seem to fail time after time while trying to learn a new move.  I don't see failure as an end all, be all.  Failure is just part of the process.  My biggest lesson from these six month goals is that I set way too big of goals for the position I was starting in.  I've learned over the years that that is a way people will self-sabotage to keep from sticking to their goals.  If you set a huge goal that is just plain ridiculous, you start thinking, "What's the point?"  And you give up on it.

So I just set a new series of six-month goals and made a new vision board.  The goals are smaller, and even more important, they're broken down into even shorter term goals that I can use to chip away at the bigger goals.  So I don't see missing my goals as a failure, I see it as a learning process, and I've reset my expectations to a more reasonable level.  Most important, I've made some progress in my everyday situation.  We'll see how it goes this time.

How To Get To The Top Of The Mountain

As I've mentioned before, I'm basically starting all over in life.  I'm seriously overweight after years as a taxi driver, and I need to lose about half my body weight.  That's a big challenge.  I'm unemployed, and with my "eclectic" job history, I've realized that it will be real hard to find a good paying job here in conservative North Carolina.  So that means I have to start a business with literally no money.  That's also a big challenge.  I don't have a working computer of my own at the moment.  That's another big challenge in the information/connectivity age we're in now.  There's a list of other things that "normal" people have that I don't.  Perhaps most challenging, I have to keep my spirits up in this time of facing multiple big challenges.  Many people out there are dealing with one or more of these same issues.

There's an old story that's been popping into my head recently.  I'm not sure where I heard it first.  But the basic story is a young seeker asks a wise old man (or woman) how to get to the top of a certain mountain.  That mountain, of course, represents your big goal in life.  The wise old person says, "To get to the top of the mountain, make sure that every step you take is in the direction of the top of the mountain."  Simple yet profound advice.  But we rarely take it seriously.

If I want to lose a lot of weight, then I have to make sure every action I take leads towards that goal.  That means eating only things that are healthy and exercising daily.  That's hard.  It's a simple idea, but it's hard.  But that's the nature of life. To start a business, it's the same thing, weed out the things in life that aren't part of that goal, and focus on building the business.  In other aspects of life, the same formula applies.

Do I do this right now?  No.  But I know the idea is out there, and I've begun to focus myself in different aspects of my life.  It's hard to just quit "normal" life and start a completely new lifestyle immediately.  Some people, in certain situations can do that, but it never seems to work for me.  So I'm slowly trying to delete bad habits and build good habits.

So what is your big goal?  Do you even have a major goal?  Or a series of goals in different aspects of your life?  If so, does each of your daily activities lead you towards that goal?  Or away from it?  Most people spend a huge amount of their time doing things that don't specifically lead towards their goals.  Now I know that if you have kids, you have to spend a lot of time caring for them in many different ways.  Don't neglect your kids or spouse to accomplish your goals.  But how do you use the personal time you do have?  Are you making steps towards the top of that proverbial mountain?  Or are you going in circles around the mountain?  

Let's Talk About Death

Yeah, I know... this is a subject we all try to avoid thinking about.  Here's why I'm bringing it up now.  In the past two weeks, I've been to three funerals for people from my church.  On top of that, this past Sunday the church observed All Saints Sunday, where we lit candles in memory of those in the church who've died in the past year, and family members who've died in years passed.  So the subject has been on my mind.

What I want to ask you is this:  How will you be remembered?  Have you lived a life of mediocrity and failed to do many of the things you once dreamed of?  Have you made a positive difference in the lives of those around you?  What do you regret more:  the crazy things you did do?  Or the things you didn't do?  Will people tell great stories at your funeral?  Has your life touched only those in your community, or has it touched many people far beyond?  What will your family members say about you?  What will your friends say about you?  Have you achieved the things you set out to?  Did you squeak through life afraid at every turn?  Or did you take life by the horns and thoroughly live it?

None of us knows how much time we have left.  How are you going to live this moment, and the remaining moments you have left?  Are you satisfied with your life so far?  I know I'm not.  I've had a lot of crazy adventures, but there's a lot more I want to do in this life.  Take some time to mull this over and see of you need to make some changes.  What would it take for you to be on your deathbed and say, "I gave it my best shot?"

The Big Thing People Are Missing

My weird journey through life has led me to North Carolina, and most of the people I interact with on a day to day level have lived a much different life than I have.  They're good people, but most have worked normal jobs, often one job for decades.  Most of these people are older than me, and grew up in the Industrial Age that was still dominant in our society when I was a kid.  Many of the civic leaders here in this area, and many other small cities, towns, and rural areas are still lamenting the farm economy that has changed drastically in their lives, and the factories which have shut down in their communities.  This part of North Carolina I live in now was a major player in tobacco, textiles, furniture building, and what NASCAR racing.  Those industries, except NASCAR, have largely moved their factories overseas.  The leaders, both local and statewide, are working hard to bring back good paying factory jobs. 

And that's the point I'm getting at today.  We used to live in a nation where the huge middle class worked at factories in their area.  That was the end of the industrial age.  To paraphrase internet expert and entrepreneur Seth Godin, "People used to be able make above average pay for average work, those days are over."  But a huge number of people in this country, many in leadership roles, are clinging to the memories of the world they grew up in.  They're not adapting to the world we're in now.  Right now, we're in a long, weird transition phase between the Industrial Age and the Information Age.  Old business models and social constructions are imploding as technology opens up opportunities for other business models and social constructs.  On one hand, most of the people around here have smart phones.  But I don't know anyone else around here who publishes a blog.  I can't afford a smart phone right now, but I publish two blogs and am starting another one soon.  My
point here is that everyday people start using the technology that's helping to change our world so dramatically, but most use it only as a consumer.  These technologies are changing the very way we communicate, which is leading to an incredible amount of opportunities in business, social movements, and other aspects of society.  But most people are so used to the status quo, that they stick to their old way of working, but with quicker communication.  Meanwhile, the future is being built by people looking at the possibilities that technology makes possible, and figuring out new ways to do things. 

As an example, how do you watch TV and movies these days?  Do you go to the theater to see every new movie that interests you?  Do you set aside a couple hours on Monday night to watch Dancing With The Stars?  Or do you record shows on a DVR and watch them when you have the time?  When's the last time you went to the video store and rented a VHS movie to watch that night?  Or do your kids watch movies on tablets in the back seat of your car while you shuttle them to baseball and dance practice? 

I'll be honest, I was pretty much a Luddite from the mid-1990's until 2008.  I was a taxi driver for much of that time, and I hated the continual change of technology.  I didn't keep up with what was happening and I didn't learn new technology as it became available.  Then, the taxi industry collapsed in California, years before Uber came into the picture.  I wound up in a small town in North Carolina wondering what had happened.  I'm a writer at heart, and I looked for ways to make money with writing.  But the whole writing world had completely changed because of technology and the social changes that went along with that technology.  So I started a blog, mostly just to vent.  That began a long process of self education about how to work in this technological world we now live in.  I started writing again using the internet and other tools now available.  I still don't make a living with my writing, but I'm heading in that direction.  I built a following online, quite by accident at first, and began to build my own little (very little) publishing empire point down the road, I should be able to make a decent living on the  from the platform I'm now building.

My point is this: Are you still clinging to the notion of the Indutrial Age world you grew up in?  Are you still looking for a job where someone pays you a lot of money and gives you benefits for doing what they tell you all day?  Or are you adapting and learning about this new, rapidly changing world, and charting your own course into the future?  Very few of the old factory jobs will ever come back.  Today's world belongs to those people who are willing to take risks and try new things as the opportunities arise.  Are you prepared to work in the world that's evolving now?























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What Would You Do If You Won The Lottery

In the clip above, we see a guy pretending to be homeless, but instead of asking for money with his sign, he's trying to give people a dollar.  He obviously is doing this in a pretty upscale area, and the reactions might surprise you.  If I won the lottery, this is one of the many weird things I would actually do.  When I was homeless and panhandling, I actually did do this a couple of times.  Basically people would drive up and start talking to me as they waited for the stop light.  Both times, the guys said something about not having any money to give me, but wished me good luck.  Then they talked about the personal stuff that was dragging them down.  So I reached into my pocket, got a dollar, and said, "Here, I'll give you a dollar.  Good luck man."  The were surprised, but both took the dollar, laughed, and drove off.  I always wanted to stand at a panhandling spot all day long and just hand out dollar bills to the people who drove by.  I learned there's a point where panhandling can turn into performance art.  Plus, it's just fun to freak people out a little sometimes. 

So... if you won a big lottery prize, let's say a multi-million dollar prize, what would you do?  I actually developed a workshop about 25 years ago when my sister had a big decision to make about college.  Over the years I've honed that workshop, and recently I actually presented the idea to my pastor at church to see if I could give the workshop, for free, to anyone at church who was interested.  He said the idea had merit, but since it wasn't a faith based workshop, decided it wasn't the right fit for church.  I've been debating about giving the workshop in this area.  My workshop is much more detailed, but the underlying idea is: What would you do if you won the lottery?

Let's start with the basics.  Most people would pay off their outstanding bills.  Then they might pay off their house, or buy a nice house if they didn't own one.  Then they'd either pay off their car or buy a new one (or two).  Some people would give gifts to family members, and maybe good friends.  Others might put some money away for retirement or for the kids' college fund.  Let's say you've done all that, and still had several million dollars left over.  THEN what would you do?  Seriously, think about it for a minute.  What WOULD you do?  Travel?  If so, to where?  Would you get the whole family together for a big reunion?  Or would you keep your crazy family apart and visit them individually?  Would you collect something?  Cars?  Art?  Nick Cannon's old shoes?  If you don't know who Nick Cannon is, Google "Nick Cannon, shoes" and you'll see what I'm talking about.

Would you buy a vacation house?  Would you drink yourself into oblivion (and debt) like so many lottery winners and inheritance recipients do?  Once you had all the stuff you think you want, how would you spend your time?  Would you wander around and give $100 bills to the homeless?  Would you support one cause or another?  Would you feel obligated to give something back to the world?  I'm serious... think about this for a few minutes.  If you won a big lottery prize, paid off debts, bought a bunch of stuff, traveled a bunch, and donated to some worthy charity, what would you do to pass the time after that?

I bet something popped in your head.  It may have even surprised you.  Think about that for another minute.  Here's the kicker question.  Whatever you would do in that situation... why aren't you doing it right now?  Sure, maybe you can't do it to the same degree as you could being a multi-millionaire, but you can probably spend some portion of your time doing the things that a "millionaire you" would do.  Would you volunteer somewhere?  Would you find a job you really loved?  Would you start your own business, or maybe a non-profit organization?  Would you go back to school?

If you actually won the lottery, after all the initial spending, you would find a way, hopefully a productive way, to spend your time.  So what's keeping you from doing that right now?   

Mass Shootings and Mental Illness

Slightly Not Safe For Work, this clip contains some bleeped out cuss words. 

Of course, we all wish that we could make mass shootings, like the latest one in Roseburg, Oregon, stop happening.  One faction yells for gun control.  Yet, the horrible massacres are perpetrated by a tiny, tiny fraction of the gun owning community.  If these people didn't have access to guns, they would likely find another way to cause damage, injury, and deaths.  The Boston Marathon bombing was done with two pressure cooker bombs, but no one is trying to outlaw pressure cookers.  The next thing you hear after a mass shooting is that we need to do something about the mentally ill.  There are millions of people dealing with some form of mental illness in the U.S., but very, very few of them are perpetrators of mass shootings.  As several people have pointed out, mentally ill people are much more likely to be the victims of gun violence than the perpetrators of it.  I've been debating whether I should write about this issue, but then I found this clip and realized John Oliver did a brilliant job of talking about the issue already.  This video sums up the subject well, watch it if you're interested. 

The Amazing Stories of Feral Children

This You Tube clip briefly describes 10 different cases of children who somehow survived conditions unimaginable to most of us.  Most of these cases have some documentation, but there are those that question these stories as well.

Last night I was flipping channels and came across a show called Raised Wild.  That episode was about a boy named John in Uganda who fled his abusive father at age four, sometime after his mother died of a snake bite.  Just past the age of a toddler, John ran into the jungle seeking safety, which is the exact opposite of how most of us think of the jungle.  According to his story, monkeys called vervets came to his aid, handing him food and leaves containing water.  John was found by a man about three years later, and brought out of the jungle into society.  He somehow survived for three years, without humans, with the help of the monkey troupe.  He was slowly rehabilitated back into society by an amazing teacher named Daisy, who went to great lengths to show John affection, teach him human ways, and eventually teach him to speak.  In the show I saw, John is now 27, and living a fairly normal life. 

While this blog is mostly about unlocking your potential as a human being, these cases of feral children show a different side of that potential.  Most of these children, first and foremost, survived tremendous abuse at the hands of their family or caretakers.  As a result, they were taken in by a variety of animals, and given support that their human interactions lacked.  Most of these stories do not end as well as John's.  But the fact that these children survived at all is a testament to the human spirit, or perhaps, the animal spirit locked deep inside each human.  Some people we look up to because of their achievements, others for their dedication to a worthy cause.  But others, like these children, we can find hope in their ability to adapt and survive in incredible, and often terrible, circumstances.